I have something to say about… slowing down the compliment exchange and sharing styling tips.

I have been thinking a lot about how to respond to compliments, and wishing we could talk about the details.

I have something to say about… slowing down the compliment exchange and sharing styling tips.

I have been thinking a lot about how to respond to compliments, and wishing we could talk about the details.Beyond showing gratitude, why can’t we ask what it is about our outfit that warranted a compliment? Or, wouldn’t it be a great learning experience to explain to someone why her outfit caught our eye?

It would be so helpful to ask for specifics. Imagine stopping and asking, “Can you tell me specifically what caught your eye?” I mean, isn’t it natural to have some curiosity about the details of the compliment?

We would all learn a great deal if we could understand what resonated with the person, or if we also provided more context when offering a compliment. Is it the mix of patterns, the combined textures, the proportions, a pop of color, the drape of a scarf? I would love to learn something - a styling tip, how to create outfits, and how to use my clothes.

There could be so much to gain from having a moment to break down an outfit with strangers, your outfit, or their outfit. It is a free styling lesson every time we go out! The endless possibility of sharing ideas.

I saw a woman in a museum the other day, and I would have been thrilled to get a breakdown of her outfit, which gave me JOY. I wish I could have asked about her clever layering of a dress over a skirt, the long pendant, her superb glasses, quirky hair, and, by the way, a fantastic shade of lipstick. I took all of this in, gulped it down with my eyes in 2 seconds, but I REALLY wanted to have a chat with her and to do a close examination! The fun! And I would walk away with some new styling ideas and, maybe a new friend? A whole other topic.

Or, could we ask if the person complimenting us liked a particular color, combination, or silhouette? What did we do that caught her eye?

We all love to be complimented, and we find joy in complimenting others. I suggest slowing it down and adding a quick exchange of information! Shall we try it? It will force us to put into words what we find appealing in an outfit, and that can translate into our dressing.

But then my ever-so-stylish friend, Meredith Keeve, weighed in as a GUEST CONTRIBUTOR (merci) from Deauville, France. She brought up the way we respond to compliments- and now another layer is added to the topic!

DETAILS…European Style

Jacqui and I were talking about compliments, and as an American living in Europe,

two specific anecdotes came to mind:

The English specifically find any kind of bragging or self-promotion distasteful. “Poor

form, as they would say. Many of them are very uncomfortable with compliments, so

to a simple “I like your dress,” the reply might be, “Oh, this old thing, I dragged it from

under the bed/the bottom of the wardrobe this morning.”

The French, however, find compliments essential approbation of their style and

choices. A very chic French woman who lived in London bought a beautiful

handmade jacket from a private sale, but then returned it. The salesperson asked

why, and she replied, “On m’a pas fait de compliment/No one complimented me on it.”

Personally, if I receive a compliment, I usually try to validate: “I love this dress too, it's

one of my favorites,” or “I know, it’s a great bracelet, I was so lucky to find it in a flea

market!”,

Jacqui was intrigued with the notion of exploring the compliment – “What is it that

you love about my look?” but I am not sure everyone who loves Jacqui’s looks has

the fashion vocabulary to pinpoint the details…it may just be that they find her style

joyous and exciting and fabulous!

The next time I give a complement I am going to remind myself to be specific- to point out the item, element, styling magic that caught my eye. It will hopefully translate back to my style and I will have something new to consider in the morning. And, I will work on my own fashion vocabular as Meredith writes, soI can enjoy receiving and giving compliments!

Guest Writer Meredith Keeve

Meredith has lived in Europe and North America and worked as a Personal Shopper/Stylist. On Pinterest and IG as ModernDiscerningWoman. She believes the most stylish people are those who are interested and excited by the world around them. And people who read!